You’ve written your Will – what about your parents?
You’ve done the right thing. You have a Will. You might even have your Lasting Powers of Attorney in place.
Then a thought creeps in:
“I’m sorted. But… have Mum and Dad actually done theirs?”
For many people in England and Wales, that is where the conversation stops. Not because it isn’t important, but because it feels uncomfortable. You don’t want to sound as if you’re chasing an inheritance. You don’t want to upset your parents. So you say nothing – and hope it will somehow be fine.
Talking to your parents about Wills and LPAs is not “money-grabbing”. It is one of the kindest, most practical things you can do for them and for the rest of the family.
This article examines why the subject feels so awkward, why it absolutely needs to be addressed, and some simple ways to initiate the conversation without feeling like you’re asking about the money.
It is written for both sides: for adult children wondering how to approach their parents, and for parents who want to make things easier for their family but keep putting it off.
Why do we avoid the conversation
Most people do not talk about Wills and Powers of Attorney around the dinner table. There are some very human reasons for that:
• We don’t like thinking about parents dying
For many of us, our parents have “always been there”. Raising the subject can feel like admitting that one will change one day.
• We worry we’ll sound greedy
British families in particular often worry that any mention of Wills will be heard as: “What am I getting?” Even if that is the last thing on your mind.
• We don’t want to criticise previous decisions
If a parent says, “Oh yes, we wrote a Will years ago, nothing much has changed,” it can feel rude or disloyal to question it.
• We aren’t sure what “good” looks like.
If you don’t really know what a Will or an LPA should contain, it is hard to feel confident raising it with someone else.
So the easiest option is to say nothing. But silence has a cost.
What happens when a Will is out of date – or missing altogether
A Will is not something you write once in your thirties and then forget for the next 40 years. Lives move on. Families change. The law evolves.
A real example (with details changed for privacy):
Recently, a client was sure she did not need a new Will.
“Yes,” she said, “we wrote our Wills 20 years ago. But not a lot has changed since then.”
When we looked more closely, a great deal had changed:
• The house had risen significantly in value
• Other savings and investments had grown
• Her husband had sadly died
• Several of the people named as executors were themselves now in their eighties – or had already died
• There had been 20 Budgets and numerous changes to allowances and rules in that time
On paper, she “had a Will”. In reality, it no longer reflected her life, her wishes, or the practical realities of who would be left to sort things out.
An out-of-date Will can be almost as problematic as having no Will at all.
No Will or an old Will might mean:
• The wrong people inherit under intestacy rules
• A new partner is left in a vulnerable position
• Step-children or grandchildren are missed out
• The people named as executors are no longer capable of acting
• Family arguments about “what Mum or Dad would have wanted”
• Delays, extra costs and avoidable stress for everyone left behind
And that is before we even reach the question: what happens if your parents lose capacity while still alive?
A Will deals with what happens after someone dies. Lasting Powers of Attorney deal with what happens if the person is still alive but would appreciate some help from someone they trust to manage their affairs.
Without LPAs, you may find yourself battling with banks, utility companies and the Court of Protection at the worst possible time.
Why is it the right thing to talk about, whichever side you are on
If you are the adult child
Raising the subject is not about “getting the money”. It is about:
• Making sure your parents’ wishes are clear and respected
• Avoiding arguments between siblings or wider family later
• Protecting your own children from avoidable stress when grandparents die or become unwell
• Giving yourself the practical tools (through LPAs) to help if a parent loses capacity
Suppose your parents ask you to act as an executor, a trustee or an attorney under a Lasting Power of Attorney. In that case, it is not just extra responsibility. It is also a way of giving something back: you are offering your time, judgment, and care to help put their wishes into practice when they cannot do it themselves.
If you are the parent
Thinking about your own planning is not just about “leaving something behind”. It is about:
• Saving your children from having to guess what you would have wanted
• Making sure your partner, spouse or wider family are treated fairly
• Choosing people you trust to act as executors and attorneys, rather than leaving it to chance
• Keeping control: decisions are made while you are well, not in a hurry when things have already gone wrong
How to start the conversation without feeling money-grabbing
The key is to make the conversation about care and practicality, not pound signs.
Here are some ways to approach it that feel natural and respectful.
Start with your own planning.
Instead of asking, “Have you done your Will?”, you might say:
“We’ve just sorted our Wills and LPAs. It’s such a relief to know it’s done. I realised I’ve no idea what you’ve put in place. Have you updated yours recently?"
This focuses on what you have done, not what you want from them. It also quietly normalises the idea that adults should have up-to-date documents.
Use life events as a bridge.
Big birthdays, retirements, moves, new grandchildren and health scares are all natural moments to say:
“Now that [event] has happened, have you had a chance to review your Will and Powers of Attorney? If anything ever happened, I’d want to be sure we’re doing what you would have wanted.”
Lead with Powers of Attorney
Sometimes LPAs are a more straightforward starting point than Wills, because the benefit is very clearly about helping while they are alive.
For example:
“If you ever did need help with your finances or health decisions, it would really help to know who you’d want to step in. Have you thought about putting LPAs in place so it’s clear?”
Framing the conversation around “how we’d help you if something happened” can feel much more comfortable than “what we get when you’re gone”.
Offer practical help, not interference.
You do not need to read every line of their Will. You can simply offer to:
• Drive them to an appointment
• Sit in the waiting room while they talk privately
• Help them gather the information they need
• Recommend a professional you have used yourself
You stay in support mode, not “back seat driver” mode.
Be honest about the awkwardness.
Sometimes the best way through the Britishness is to admit it:
“I feel a bit awkward bringing this up because I never want you to think I’m asking about money. But sorting our own Wills made me realise how important it is, and I would worry if something happened and nothing was in place for you.”
Most parents will recognise the good intention behind that.
If you are the parent reading this
If you are a parent or grandparent, you may already know that your children find it challenging to raise these topics with you. That does not mean they are not thinking about them.
You can make life significantly easier for them by:
• Telling them whether you have a current Will and roughly when it was last updated
• Letting them know where the documents are stored
• Explaining in simple terms what you are trying to achieve (fairness, security for a partner, help for a vulnerable child, gifts to charities, and so on)
• Putting both a Will and LPAs in place if you have not already done so
• Updating older Wills that no longer match your life or your wishes[Call-out] One of the greatest gifts you can give your family is clarity. A clear Will and LPAs remove guesswork at a time when decisions are already hard enough.
When professional help makes the conversation easier
Sometimes it helps to let someone else be the one who asks the direct questions and keeps the conversation on track.
We often facilitate family meetings where parents, adult children, and sometimes even grandparents and grandchildren sit down together. The focus is on understanding wishes, explaining what Wills and LPAs actually do, and agreeing on sensible next steps in a safe, trusted environment.
Because a neutral professional hosts the conversation, it is much less likely to feel as if anyone is being pushed, criticised or coerced. Everyone has space to ask questions and say what matters to them.
Telling your family about Wills and LPAs is not “chasing the money”. Done well, it is one of the most genuinely helpful things you can do for them and for the wider family.
You might:
• Share an article like this with your parents and say, “This made me think. What do you already have in place?”
• Mention your own experience: “We’ve just had our Wills done with Chris, it was easy. He’s offered to help you with yours if you’d like to look at them — would that be something you’re interested in, Mum and Dad?”
• Suggest a joint family meeting with us so that everyone can hear the same explanations at the same time.
• Encourage parents to have a private call or meeting of their own, and let you know once the basics are sorted.
A good adviser will keep the focus firmly on your parents’ wishes and values, not anyone else’s expectations. If you find it useful, you can also look at the companion article “Are your children ready to inherit?”, which explores the same questions from the other direction – helping your own children be ready for what they may one day receive.
Bringing it together
You have taken an important step by sorting out your own Will. That already puts you ahead of many people.
The next step is to make sure the generation above you is also protected. That does not mean prying into every detail of their finances. It simply means:
• Encouraging your parents to have up-to-date Wills
• Making sure they have chosen people they trust as executors and attorneys
• Knowing that, if something happens, you are not left trying to untangle everything in the dark
A good Will protects your family, keeps things clear, and makes life easier at a difficult time. That is true for your estate – and just as true for your parents’ estate.
Having one honest, thoughtful conversation now can spare everyone a great deal of uncertainty later.
